qossip qurl
by wheresshaquila
Summary: an' who am i? if you wanna know read the freakin' story. you know you want me. xoxo qossip qurl A ghetto retelling of the TV show. Lots of cursing. Read it. I dare you.


**AN: So don't expect anything actually literary here. There will be plenty of grammatical and spelling errors, and lots of cursing (n-words galore) but it's in order to portray the ghetto dialect accurately.**

**This is just a retelling of the TV show (not the books!) We're hoping to continue the story, and eventually have a different chapter for each of the episode. So favorite, review, blah blah blah. We just want to know we're being read.**

***this was written by Bon'Qui'Qui. the next chapter will be written by Baraquila and we will be taking turns writing chapters.***

**Also, sorry if this offends anyone. Especially if your name is Dont'Harryus. We're just nerds attempting to be comical smart-asses.**

So dis bitch Sereniqua Van Der Woodson just left an' den one day she came back.

An' dis blog bitch qossip qurl was like "All my niggaz, Sereniqua's back in da hood."

An' dis nigga Je'Nate Archibald an' his papa were at a party an' his papa be like "Je'Nate iz goin' to Dartmouth!"

But Je'Nate was like "Bitch! I do what I want!"

An' den his crazy-ass girlfriend Blair'niqua Waldorf was like "Yo Je'Nate wanna hook up?"

An' Je'Nate was like "Hell yeah!"

So Sereniqua came to da party an' saw Blairniqua's mama an' she was like "Yo!"

An' Blairniqua's mama was like "Yo Blairniqua! Sereniqua's here!"

An' Je'Nate was like "Holy shit! Dat bitch is HOT! I don't want yo' flat ass, bitch!"

So he went downstairs for Sereniqua an' she was like "See ya at school tomorrow niggaz! I'm out!"

An' den Sereniqua went to go visit her druggie bro Je'Eric in jail an' den she found out her motha told all her friends dat Je'Eric was just livin' in another hood and Sereniqua was like "BITCH".

An' den dere were dese niggaz named Jenniqua and Dantarius and deir dad Lil' Rufus who was a rapper once was lookin' at Jenniqua who was textin' all her bitches about Blairniqua's party.

An' Lil' Rufus was like "Why you do dat?"

An' Jenniqua was like "So I can fuckin' go nigga!"

So Sereniqua came back to her hotel an' guess who was there? Je'Nate.

An' Je'Nate was like "Yo Sereniqua wanna hook up?"

An' Sereniqua was like "Bitch please! I'm too fabulous fo' you! I am a strong independent black woman an' I don't need no man!"

So den Sereniqua was walkin' to school an' she saw Blairniqua an' her bitches Katiniqua and Isaquila an' Jenniqua was dere too an' dey were talkin' about Blairniqua's party an' Sereniqua was like "Bitch where's my invite?"

An' Blairniqua was like "Bitch you ain't invited!"

An' Sereniqua was like "Fine bitch! Da party don't start till I walk in! Meet me tonight bitch!"

An' Blairniqua was like "Okay bitch!"

So Jenniqua an' Dantarius were shoppin' an' guess who else was there? Sereniqua! An' Dantarius liked Sereniqua so he hid in a corner like a fuckin' white boy.

So Blairniqua an' Sereniqua were clubbin' together an' then they hugged an' Sereniqua was like "Blairniqua you know you my nigga!"

An' Blairniqua was like "Bitch I know!"

An' den Blairniqua left to go hang with Je'Nate an' den dis nigga Je'Chuck Bass showed up an' he took Sereniqua into the kitchen cuz he owned da club an' he was like "Yo Sereniqua wanna have sex?"

An' Sereniqua was like "Bitch please! I'm a strong independent black woman an' I don't need no man!"

An' when Sereniqua walked out of da kitchen she bumped into Dantarius who was gonna ask her out an' den she left before he could ask her out. An' den she dropped her phone an' den Dantarius picked it up.

An' Je'Nate an' Blairniqua were hangin' out an' den Je'Nate was like "Look bitch last year I hooked up with Sereniqua." but Blairniqua was like "Bitch i don't care let's make out kay?"

Da next mornin' Dantarius went to go return Sereniqua's phone an' den Sereniqua asked him out an' den Dantarius was like "Hell yeah!"

So dey went out on da same night as Blairniqua's party but den Jenniqua was like "Bitch I need help! So Dantarius an' Sereniqua went to go save her an' Je'Chuck was tryin' to fuck wit her an' den Dantarius punched him in the face.

Spotted: Sereniqua leavin' B-Niqua's party. But she got school on Monday. See ya bitches! Ya know you want me! xoxo, qossip qurl


End file.
